This was a dream question sent to me for answer: If you’d like a chance for your dream question to be answered find out more about the The Dream Download™ here. This topic is also discussed at length in my book Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal.
⚠️ This article briefly mentions death by murder and suicide
“Why, when I dream of friends and relatives who have died, do they snub me?” L.
Dreaming about people who have passed away can be unsettling, even more so when the person who has died behaves in a way which is unkind or unexpected in the dream. I have worked with dreams following bereavement for more than two decades, particularly those bereaved by murder and suicide and it’s not uncommon for people to describe what you have. Dreams of a person we have loved and lost are called Visitation Dreams.
When the person who has died appears in a dream in an ‘unkind’ way, this is more usually a form of ‘nighttime therapy’. It may be asking us to explore the relationship we had with the people in the dream, and consider if there is any “unfinished business” or unresolved thoughts and feelings, perhaps a conversation we wish we’d had.
You mention in your dreams that your friends and relatives ‘snub’ you – this seems like a very deliberate act on their part but in essence may represent your acknowledgement they are no longer here. It may be, on some level, you have processed them dying as them no longer wanting or choosing to spend time with you. This naturally feels painful and personal to you, both in the dream and in your waking life. (Some people don’t dream about their dead relatives or friends at all, and this can be equally hard to process).
It may be that you feel guilty about things which were said or done prior to their passing, or you may wish you had done more to prevent their death happening, however impossible or unlikely this may have been. You may also wish they had done more to be with you; sometimes people feel like their loved one just “gave up”. This type of dream is common after someone takes their own life.
Some people believe that dreams are a way to communicate with the deceased and it’s fair to say that many cultures consider dreams a way of receiving helpful messages from the other side. It’s important to emphasise, though, that these types of communications are always received as enlightening in some way – the content is never unkind or hurtful – but instead provide valuable information for the dreamer to take positive action in some area of their life.
People who have pleasant dreams of people that have passed away often wake up feeling as if something very special has just happened. For this reason, dreams where deceased loved ones appear in a way which hurts you are more likely reflecting a worry or issue you have about their passing – hence the term ‘nighttime therapy’.
Keeping a dream diary can help find patterns within your dreams, for example you may find that you dream of those who have passed away around the time of anniversaries such as when they died, or other significant event like a wedding or birthday. I offer a template on how to keep a dream diary in Answers In The Dark.
Dreams after a bereavement is a huge topic, and bereavement itself is rarely straightforward; sometimes dream content during the grieving process may seem cruel – yet equally understandable – even years after the person has died. (We sometimes dream of being lost when someone dies, which of course makes sense. Incidentally, we may also have dreams where we can’t speak either). But it is important to allow yourself time to understand your relationships with the people who have passed away, how you’re dealing with their death and consider how this may be having an impact in your waking life. Talking things through with a close friend or a professional can be a helpful way of understanding your loss.
Delphi is the author of Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal, out now on Amazon and Hive. The Dreams Maven™ is part of the Helping You Sparkle™ portfolio. You might also like Monday Mojo™.
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© Delphi Ellis, updated 2023 – please note this content may also appear elsewhere as promotional material for Answers In The Dark.
The Dreams Maven™ 
My only son completed suicide on July 14, 2017. It will be 2 years in July I’ve had numerous dreams about my son but this last one is keeping me awake is their anyone that can help interpret this dream?
Dream: I found myself in the parking site for my son’s favorite beach area. I looked towards the walkway to the beach and saw the brightness of a white light in what should’ve been a dark area, as it was nighttime. I walked down the path towards the beach and found my deceased son waiting for me. I was so surprised and happy I began to cry he wiped my tears then took my hand and we began to walk in the opposite direction of what we always walked we talked and laughed for what seemed like hours. He had the brightest light surrounding him it was warm and almost calming the warmth from it was so real, we were in the middle of a storm with the loudest thunder, and blinding lighting the wind was bending the trees and blowing the sand but in this light of his I never felt the first drop of rain. When I noticed how large the waves were and how hard they were crashing against the shore my son told me that he didn’t have much time left. It was then he put his hands on my cheeks and said “Things aren’t what they seem to be Mama do you understand” I was just repeating you don’t half to go begging him to stay with me he then for the first time ever raised his voice at me and repeated himself this time squeezing my cheeks and asking me if I understood almost as if I My life depended on listening to those words when he got loud and aggravated it looked as though his light was dimming. I said yes Baby yes I understand Blake then his light was immediately blinding again. He kissed my forehead told me to look at something in the opposite direction I did I saw nothing when I turned back around He was gone. I grabbed my cell out of my pocket to call for people to come help me look for him but it wasn’t my phone it had a text message that read Sorry I Missed Your Call I Was In The Shower I didn’t recognize the phone I kept trying to unlock it. I then woke up and have absolutely no clue what this dream meant. I have dreamed of my son but nothing even close to this.
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Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I’m so sorry to hear your son has died. There is a lot of content in your dream which would be worth exploring with someone local to you, who can take their time to help, especially after bereavement. I’ve included below the article this post refers to, which explains that any dream after bereavement which is distressing, can mean there remains unresolved thoughts and feelings about what happened. This is why talking to someone, like a bereavement counsellor, can help you make sense of it all. Not being able to communicate in your dreams, is a sign that you’re not feeling heard in your waking life, which is another reason to find people locally who will listen. Thanks again for sharing. Here is the article this post refers to> https://thedreamsmaven.com/2016/05/15/dream-question-why-wont-they-speak-to-me-dreams-after-bereavement/
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