Why We Can’t Sleep (and What Can Help)

According to various commentaries, including from the World Health Organisation, insomnia is a global problem*. Many people have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, and when they do wake up, feel like they’ve not been to bed at all.

We know the pace of life affects our quality of sleep. Technology makes us easily interruptible at all hours of the day, and the never ending news cycle can leave us feeling edgy as we try to go to sleep. It’s no wonder if we’re waking up tired.

But these aren’t the only things that keep us up at night.

When I was writing Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal, I realised how many of us have bought in to several big myths. One of them shows up in most internet searches or popular magazines that contain a ‘Sleep Special’; they will often suggest that we all need eight hours sleep every night. But this might be one reason we’re not always getting a good night’s rest; when we find ourselves awake in the middle of the night we worry we’re not going to get our eight hours.

We’ve bought in to this myth so much that we largely plan our day around it. If you have to be up at 6am, you might work back eight hours and tell yourself you have to be in bed by 10pm the night before. But what if you’re not sleepy then? (The video below briefly explains the feeling of sleepiness).

Believing we have to be in bed by the time we say so, can cause us to feel stressed if we don’t then instantly drop off. We think we ‘should‘ be asleep, and become agitated when we’re not. And there’s no way the brain will authorise sleep when we’re stressed. 

And here’s another thing.

We know that we sleep in cycles (Answers In The Dark contains a section called The Sleep Cycle Repair Kit), and these cycles follow a particular route (it’s why I describe sleep as like a bus, discussed in the video above). 

We ideally go to bed when we’re sleepy, complete a number of cycles and wake up naturally each day. The problem is, if you set your alarm for 6am (working forward eight hours from 10pm), it might actually be set to go off right slap-bang in the middle of deep sleep. 

This also happens when we take an afternoon nap and set our alarm for an hour, instead of a short amount like 20 minutes, or the full length of a sleep cycle (about 90-120 minutes). You wrench yourself out of sleep, trying to continue with your day, only now you’re experiencing what’s sometimes known as the Hangover Effect: you’ve got a headache, your mouth is dry and you don’t know what year it is. 

So one reason we might be feeling so tired is we’ve hauled ourselves out of deep sleep when we need to wake up more naturally.

So here’s the tip: Ditch the myth and focus on quality not quantity. 

Some people will need six hours at night, others might need 10. Teenagers need more sleep, just as you probably do when you’re poorly, and when you’re older you might find you need less. 

If you have to get up at 7am, but know you’re naturally awake by 6 o’clock, don’t trick yourself in to thinking you’ll just get another cheeky hour in. If you allow yourself to doze back off, you might find you then wake up feeling groggier than before. 

Of course there are other things that can cause us to feel tired, including fatigue from a range of illnesses which is why a trip to the doctor is best if it’s really becoming a problem. If you work shifts, this can also be more challenging as can circumstances – like bereavement – that are affecting your sleep in the first place (the video below might help). There is a benefit in taking power naps when you can (I talk more about that in the book too). But where possible try to work out when you’re naturally wakeful and set your alarm for then, rather than wrenching you out of deep sleep.

Measure your sleep quality by how refreshed you feel when you wake up, and where possible try to go to bed when you’re sleepy and wake up naturally, as close to when you need to get up. You can also try some mindfulness activities (there’s a range of these in Answers In the Dark), as well as talk to someone during the day, about what might be keeping you up at night. 

* citation from this website 20/9/22

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Delphi is the author of Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal, out now on Amazon and Hive.  The Dreams Maven™ is part of the Helping You Sparkle™ portfolio.  You might also like Monday Mojo™.

© Delphi Ellis 2023 – please note this content may also appear elsewhere as promotional material for Answers In The Dark.